It’s Whiny Wednesday. Fair warning: I do have a need to talk about something (someone) and this tale is sure to be loaded with snark with a few dashes of vitriol for good measure. So, if you don’t want to read any further, it won’t hurt my feelings. However, if you’re in the mood for some head shaking, guffaws, and drama, read on.
There are two women, Ethel and Maude, who are related by marriage. They each have their own little lives, and their own families to deal with. You would think that they might be good friends, but no. Maude can’t really stand Ethel because of a variety of reasons, mostly because Maude thinks Ethel is a dumbass. At first, Maude wondered if her dislike of Ethel was misplaced, since Ethel is skinny and sort of has the body Maude would like to have. But Maude’s husband has said if she ever lost that much weight, he’d divorce her because he doesn’t want to have sex with a skeleton. Maude thought that was pretty funny, but after spending more time around her, she’s decided the dislike is rooted in the stupidity of the other.
Ethel is stick thin, and her bone structure is small. Maude, in all reality, could never be that thin without looking like an anorexic, and she knows it and has determined that she doesn’t want to be skinny anyway She wants to be strong and fit, something Ethel in all her skinny glory, isn’t. Over the last months, Ethel has started complaining about her body because she’s gained weight since she moved to the area, developing a nice pair of saddlebags (which you can totally see because she’s always wearing leggings) and a bit of a belly (big enough now it looks like she had to lay down to zip her jeans). She even has a pair she keeps wearing that she can’t button, and then wears a little shirt that shows a little belly (and her undone jeans). She thinks she’s so sexy, but it’s just sad. She likes to make like she’s a supermodel if you see her pics on FB.
She knew Maude exercised at home, so asked if she had any old DVDs she could have so she could get in shape. So Maude, being the nice gal she is, gave her 2 of her older DVDs that she didn’t use. For all her complaining about wanting to get in shape, Ethel has only used the DVDs once. Another time, she also went for a little run-1/4 mile and used her husband’s weights. And a time after that, she went for a little walk (4 miles). These events occurred weeks apart from each other, after which she spent the rest of that week complaining about how sore she was from her exercise. Maude just shrugged, because she knows how it is when you start a new workout, in shape or not. Ethel thinks she’s healthy and fit because she’s not overweight, so doesn’t get that she isn’t healthy at all because weight is only one indicator of fitness. She thinks she’s in such great shape, but Maude could probably toss her across the room without breaking a sweat. Maude may be fat, but she’s strong as hell.
But you can’t talk to Ethel and explain these things, because despite a lack of education, she thinks she knows everything. Like how Nutella and fried potatoes are essential food groups, and skinny means she’s healthy. Seeing Ethel and hearing her complain about her body, yet does nothing about it only annoys Maude these days, and it just pisses Maude off to no end that Ethel is determined to make her kid just like her, by saying things like, “oh, you don’t like to eat that” just because Ethel doesn’t like it. Just like doing all sorts of things for Ethel and her family annoys Maude because whatever they gave, it wasn’t good enough, what they wanted, or they wanted more. Ethel pesters their mother-in-law to ask Maude for things or information, but Maude doesn’t have time for such ignorance or these annoyances because she’s on a mission. Oh, she still does what she can (family’s family and all that), and tries to do it with a gracious heart, but still gets annoyed to have to be doing anything at all for that lot of ingrates.
See, Maude has spent most of her life overweight and out of shape and the last couple of years complaining about it. She spent some time blaming her husband (his snacking), her kids (no time), and genetics (family is overweight too). She spent probably too much time in negative self-reflection, wondering why she could never lose weight, and why she was a failure. Recently, she realized she was doing waaaaay too much complaining and beating herself up for past failures and not nearly enough DOING. So, she decided she’d had enough of making excuses and rationalizing her shortcomings away. In short, she decided to quit bitching, because no one else was going to be living her life but her, and if she wanted to have a good one, she’d better “git-to-gittin'”. So, she put on her big girl pants and decided to make her own destiny instead of waiting for someone else to give it to her, unlike Ethel, who didn’t want to learn about her new home (hers was so much better), learn the language (she hasn’t bothered, other than a few phrases), and expected her in-laws to help her find a job (which they did, and then regretted it when she acted like she was too good to work there).
Maude doesn’t think she’s better than Ethel, but she knows damn well she’s smarter and more determined. Smarter being the sticking point-Maude knows that the random efforts Ethel makes toward fitness are not going to get her in “bikini-ready” shape. Maude knows that to make it with anything-whether it is making a new life, or transforming the one you have-you have to want it, and you have to work hard for it. Maude struggles with the slow pace of her weight loss, but knows the number on the scale is not the be-all-end-all of her journey to fitness. She’s keeping her eye on the prize, because with every workout, she feels how much stronger she is getting. She feels how rock hard her thighs are getting, and sees how her butt is looking more and more awesome with every set of lunges and squats. She admits to flexing her biceps in the mirror to see those proud little bumps she never had before.
Whether it was more money, more fitness, more time, more things, Maude often dragged herself down thinking about what she didn’t have. But realizing her wanting never got her anything but more heartache, she’s changed the way she thinks. Maude now likes to keep her focus on what she wants and HOW she’s going to get it, instead of WHY she doesn’t have it. Maude looks at Ethel, and sees a shadow of her old, unhappy self, who often wondered why she didn’t have “it”, whatever it may have been. Ethel only sees what she doesn’t have and WHY she doesn’t have it and who’s to blame for the lack. Oddly enough, she’s never the one at fault.
I can already see who’s going to get their “Happily Ever After” 😉